Rambling

I  should be writing... I want to be writing... but my brain is all over the place,  right now... and, of course anxiety about.. nothing... everything.. unidentified anything?  Is making my concentration null. ...but I'm also bored, so I'm writing the most boring blog entry ever, I guess.  And now I'm mentally picking apart that sentence, because,  really, get a thesaurus... using the same word, twice,  in the same thought? I hate that... the English language has so many descriptive words. Why be repetitious?  I hate reading stories and poetry that has such limitations on use of the language,  yet, I can't concentrate to write correctly... which is why, I'm not writing... or, more importantly,  editing...

Editing... sounds so easy.  I've even highlighted and made notes, on everything that needs even a slight edit... but every time I've sat down to do it, I've gotten overwhelmed,  a headache, and done absolutely nothing... and November is coming soon. I want to write so badly,  but I still haven't edited the last thing, and I had so many more stories to happen in that world, and after that story.    ...or before that story... but the end... and the edits... sigh.

So, I think I should write something unrelated... just get back into it.. but all I get, is this rambling... I need some peace.. in my mind.. so I can do what I love... or even remember what I love, or loving it...

Damn navel gazing depression

There are days...
The words seem to seep from my ears..,
Emotions and pain, begging to be heard...
I promised myself I wouldn't..
Wouldn't talk, wouldn't share, hang dirty laundry, anywhere...
Navel gazing does no good, I know this... the more you focus on the problem,  the worse it hurts...
But the words seep from my ears, from my eyes, as I cry...
Overwhelmed,  long past a simple sigh...
Hidden emotions, dragging me down..

Need a way out, need a hand.. need a heart to understand. 
I'm not giving up, not giving in.
Those precious to me, keep me from the end...
But some days..Some days, I  can't help but cry...break down, curl up, I can't let go..
My heart, my treasures need me more...
Every day, every minute,
I  keep on, even when my hearts not in it.
Can't let them down.. Can't let them see..
Their hearts are so much more, than what's lacking inside of me.

..so I'll just hide.. and be the mother they see... and avoid again, despair inside..
They deserve ,more than I have, more than I can be... I'll live for them, until I can again, live for being me...